Playlist

I have a whole playlist on Spotify that reminds me of you.

When I need to remember how you broke me I listen

And remember how you started chipping away at my mind and soul.

That you told me my mental illness would go away if I tried hard enough.

I keep telling you it was like a pot on the back burner

always present sometimes boiling

sometimes flat.

But you insisted that I wasn’t trying hard enough to help myself.

Meanwhile you coped with

weed

alcohol

and

cigarettes.

But I wasn’t trying hard enough.

When I listen and I am reminded

You tried to convince me that you didn’t just call me fat for eating.

And I remember your breath on my skin when all we did was have sex

mostly consensual

I thought what we had was special

but all I was to you

was a warm body to sleep with.

I am reminded of when all you did was complain about how you hated everything

including me.

But then I switch the playlist

and I am happy you are easily erased from my memory

like a playlist.