Today I took a shower

It’s been the first time I have washed my hair myself in months

I get overwhelmed and then go to the salon to have them deal because I can’t.

I took a shower today

because my friend was coming over

and something in me snapped.

I am nasty and I smell.

just shower.

I wish I could say I shower often

but my depression sticks to me like mold that I don’t bother to wash off

because I know it grows back quickly.

Songs

I hate it when I song gets stuck in my head.

It plays on repeat until I’m blue in the face.

I can’t think about anything other than the lyrics.

My brain starts singing with out warning

and I start to think I am going crazy.

That is what depression is like.

It comes up at the most random times

Paralyzing you

knowing that it is in control.

1+1

I constantly think to myself

I have everything under control

1+1=2.

But every now and then,

my brain gaslights me

to think that

1+1=5.

My anxiety screams at me

with propaganda night and day.

Until I am convinced

1+1=5.

Lollipops

He was sweet like a lollipop

a cotton candy dum dum.

Reminding me of a simpler time when I got my hair cut at Great clips

because I didn’t care about my hair.

They would give you a dum dum lollipop

for being good and returning to the salon.

Then I started to care about my hair

I started caring about what I wanted in life.

And even though he was sweet,

He hurt my teeth.

I could only take so much,

before I got sick.